“Why didn’t she say something?” is one of the most harmful things we can say to someone who has experienced a traumatic life event and yet….
Covertly and overtly, this sentiment is expressed when we encounter a story where the logical next step would be to speak up.
The confusion is understandable if you don’t understand how trauma works. While I have experienced some devastating events in my life I have also had the grace, privilege and support to heal and find my voice. Now I speak from the scar not the wound.
Last year I started to speak up about some painful experiences in the hope that other people who had been silenced by fear of judgement, feeling trapped in their pain or just not having the words to speak, would feel less alone.
I am an expert in communication and yet there are times in my life I have felt like I couldn’t speak up for myself. Now I can, I hope to help others to speak up too. And for those of us who are asking the question “why don’t you speak up?” learn to ask different questions. Express kindness. Support. Alliance. Engage in understanding.
Next time someone you know goes through something difficult, try this:
1. Acknowledge their experience:
“Thank you for telling me”
“That sounds difficult”
2. Engage in an objective and curious way.
How are you now, in this moment?
Would you like to talk about it?
What can I do to show my support?
3. AND THEN LISTEN
Thank you to Catherine Black for another amazing photo. I feel seen and safe when I work with you.
Thank you to Elli Jacobs and Mindfood Magazine for asking questions and listening
